so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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