i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
