People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
