K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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