Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
