Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
