Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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