Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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