I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
