You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
