He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
