Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
