I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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