now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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