my phone needs a breathalizer
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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