look no pants
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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