then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
