Tell her she can't have a vagina
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
