dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
