I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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