I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
