you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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