Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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