i permit you to call me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
People in love make me want to vomit
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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