I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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