eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
