idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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