I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
