textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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