loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
