I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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