Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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