he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
