chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize