I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
