haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize