I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
