If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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