my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
