Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
