Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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