i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
