if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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