we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
