I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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