On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
