You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
