Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
