you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
