I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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