He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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