My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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