I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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