The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
