You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
