Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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