I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
