the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
