Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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