we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
