If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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