If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
