So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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