he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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