So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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