his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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