Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
