Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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