yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
