I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
