Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
