I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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