Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
