I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
